laundry

Hand-embroidered laundry bag I just bought:

I almost cried when I found this. What can I say? I'm a moody person.
What am I going to put in it? Not laundry!

regarding french manicures

Everyone knows that a french manicure is what separates ladies from you-know-whats.
They are a brilliant evolutionary ruse to trick potential mates into thinking that your fingernails are glamorous and clean.


One time on the bus I saw a woman wearing sandals with a french pedicure, (bear with me) featuring tips painted a deep crimson instead of white, and I mean the color of dried blood. It was all I could do to maintain my sanity.

Someday I will be to french manicures what Louis Wain was to cats.

The last time I was at a beauty-supply store I perused the peroxide aisle singing this song I had just made up:

"french manicures are the most beautiful kind of manicure
until you get a french manicure
you are not a real woman"



I am publishing these lyrics under a creative commons license, which means you're allowed to use the song but you have to give me credit. If you don't, I get to come to your house and Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte, etc:



Bruce Dern = you
Meat Cleaver = my fists

You might think that my reluctance to damage an immaculate french manicure would deter me from pulverizing my enemies, but you would be wrong, friend.

betches go to prison

My bestie Cat just sent me this and I died. Why was I allowed to watch this show? It gave me all kinds of wrong ideas. I remember there was a lot of fainting involved, dramatic fainting, which was totally my jam at the time.

quit it, melanie!

So I spend half the weekend painstakingly building frames and stretching canvas, and now I get a perfect snow day and the house all to myself. Why am I procrastinating with inane youtubes?? I'm blaming Melanie for this, and for all my other problems too. Why not? Oh yeah, have you seen her website? Meet you in the Meditation Room!

I want you to really look at yourself.

I was wondering what the very limit is, I think this is it

(this comment was not a response to any other comment.)

back in the day part 2

This is a very real anxiety I used to have. I think it came from "A Nightmare on Elm Street" originally.

Oh my god, Johnny Depp is such a loser in that movie.

what I lack is sleep restraint

Look how blissed-out she is!

left over

R.I.D.I.C.U.L.O.U.S.

I went on vacation. Then I came back and my computer had commited suicide in my absence. I guess we had a complicated relationship, but this just beyond the limit. I backed up some things now and then, but not enough. It's so creepy how we (ok, I) use these fallible machines as secondary brains or something and you put your whole life on it. If my hard drive was a house the Collyer brothers would live there. I had stuff like this collection of screen caps of Agent Scully just pointing a flashlight at different things. You know, "art reference", the umbrella term I use to explain the massive dunes of bizarre effluvia that I can't stop myself from building around me. I lost a lot of music and personal photos too but I can't even think about it.
This is the attitude I'm trying to have about it:


Last week I tried on $800 perfume and my glove still smells like it.

2009

cigarettes

this is a pretty accurate representation of what smoking cigarettes is like.

oh for the love of mike

do you ever feel like this?


horror movie poster motif to think about: your skin does not have the kind of integrity you think it does

soundtrack to a strong nap

I am sick like wow. Reverting to a primal infantile mental state, I will murder anyone who tries to interfere with my napping. I made a soundtrack to my muggy sick dreams so we can all nap together. I am hanging up an art show this weekend. This painting of Suri Cruise won't get finished. I kind of want to burn everything in an epic personal fire, including my own face. But it's beautiful outside, heavy clouds and the air smells like nutmeg.

Do yourself a favor and read this:
you don't want to go in there

unknown structures

I was reading this article about dark flow and got a corresponding dark feeling in my guts. Then I read this article about male breastfeeding and had an entirely different kind of dark feeling. Last night I did this drawing:


to try and explain another kind of dark feeling I get that is triggered by certain things I see on television that fall into a really specific category of being so mindless that they enrage me, but too are banal for me to find hilarious. This category includes:
Jennifer Aniston's face, and the fact that she is famous
The "Fashion Police" section of US Weekly
The song "Lady in Red"
Diaper commercials
Also commercials that involve women sitting around on patios talking about things I would literally rather die than care about, like yogurt or candles.

There is a such a fine line between these things and other things that have the tiniest surplus of absurdity that tip the scale towards beauty:

blinky watts is not blind

To the person who found my blog by searching the phrase "causes of attitude problem", I'm sorry I can't help you. I have no idea where my attitude problem comes from. I think I might have Bozeman's Simplex though.

what causes tornadoes?

nobody knows.

I met this guy earlier

He made me late for work. I was too close to putting him in my handbag and taking him with me. He was too thin. I'm going to worry about him all day. I'm not even 30 and I am already a crazy cat lady.

blinkblink

something about this infuriates my brain, which is funny because I made it.

tess