yard sale

Today I went to visit some friends who were having a yard sale. They live in an interesting neighborhood and some real characters came by to look at stuff. Some super cute children also. This one guy drove his weird little motorbike all the way up the driveway and yelled over the idling engine instead of turning it off.
"Hey how much for your flops?" he called over at me (I was sitting in a chair and looked like I was running the place, I guess)
"Excuse me?" I asked.
He held up a pair of flip-flops. "How much for your flips?" he asked again.

Jesus, what kind of person can't just say "flip-flops"? Or, you know, "these shoes"?

He finally turned off the bike so he could complain about how his girlfriend was a bitch, even though he was buying her these goddamn flip-flops. Which were nice, you know? They were a dollar. And she was probably going yell at him because they were too big, because apparenly she is on her period like all the time.

Q: how cranky was I today?

A:

I've committed some pretty weird crimes

also: Carol Annnnnnnnnn!!!!

is it mean that the last thing reminded me to post this thing?

today I discovered a new kind of rabbit

idiots

I require the following items

finding your spot

flyer

this week in mild trespassing

what we talk about when we talk about cheerleader camp

the causes of nervous and blood derangements

I've been reading this nutty Victorian health manual my friend got from ebay. I don't even know how to describe it. So far my favorite chapter is the one regarding "social magnetism and sexual isolation". This passage pretty accurately describes my daily life (or does it? I don't actually understand what they're getting at. I just seem to come across a lot of coarsely made, blustering men):

"Some of my readers who have given little or no attention to the subject of animal magnetism, personal magnetism, individual electricity, etc., as it is variously denominated, will be startled at the above heading, in the chapter giving some of the principle causes of blood and nervous derangements. Especially, will coarsely made, blustering men, who never deny themselves any indulgence of appetite or passion, and frigid, unsympathetic women, who could live in the Arctic seas on an isolated cake of floating ice, turn up their noses at this new bubble of sickly sentimentality."

Oh, and are you an incorrigible rapist? For according to this book, "rape is a terrible offence to a pure woman". Anyway, there's help for you:

"The man conscious of having ungovernable passion and sincerely wishing to reduce it to proper limits has rememdies within his reach which will in most cases enable him to maintain self-control. They are - a plain vegetable or frugiverous diet; avoidance of condiments and stimulating drinks; the use of refrigerent medicines, such as epsom salts, seidlitz powders, citrate of magnesia and mineral waters; a daily ablution of the genital organs with hot water, followed with cider vinegar freely applied with a sponge. The local baths should be hot rather than cold, because when warm they produce a cooling reaction. When this treatment proves insufficient, consult some sensible physician, who, if familiar with the management of satyrisis and the adaptation of remedies to temperaments, will have little difficulty affording relief."

I think I've found just the "pick me up" I need

I heard it's the brand she uses:


p.s. this is real