do the math, frankenstien

Last night I was visiting some friends who have a whole lot of wonderfully wrong shit in their house. Among this was one of the most terrifying things I have ever seen in my life, the Linda Evans Rejuvenique Facial Kit - an electrified plastic, um, face mask that plugs into a vile 1950's-looking controller/battery via a phone jack (?) and comes with a special pre-electrocution cooling gel so you don't burn holes in your face (I'm guessing).

I literally gasped in horror when I opened the box and saw it. The immediate question, of course is "WHY?", which I still don't have the answer to. All I know is:
1. It is like doing eight sit-ups a second, but for your face, and
2. It really, really doesn't feel good (secondhand information).
3. Jason Voorhees is an unstoppable killing machine.



My curiousity led to the discovery of the suspiciously pro-Linda Evans, anti-Joan Collins slant of her wikipedia page. I suspect Ramtha is involved:

"In 2006 Evans starred in Legends opposite former Dynasty rival, Joan Collins.

Evans was wary of joining her old co-star on stage for a long tour and, indeed, Collins and Evans did not get along during the production. According to Collins, who wrote about their experience on the road in the U.K. Daily Mail, Collins claimed that Evans never reciprocated party invites during "Dynasty", and kept her distance from Collins during the series' run; Collins asserts that she agreed for the producers to approach Evans for "Legends" against her better judgment (as Evans had never acted on stage before) and further said that Evans was too physical during their on-stage stunts during Legends. In the article, Collins called her Linda "The Lips" Evans, a reference to the latter's collagen-enhanced lips, and said claims tried to be nice to Evans during the run, even helping with her stage fright. The article was entitled, "Why I'll Never Work With Linda Evans Again."[citation needed]

On the other hand, Miss Collins continually repeats the tale of how, during filming of their famed 1983 lilypond catfight on "Dynasty", she was supposedly knocked unconscious by Evans and woke up in the hospital with a concussion — the only problem with this story is that no one connected to the series has any such recollection of that occurring.

In fact, Evans's reputation as a professional is well-documented; in 1992, even caustic comedienne Joan Rivers said of Linda Evans that Evans "is one of the only people in the business I've never heard anything negative about."

Evans was at one point a follower of Ramtha's School of Enlightenment."

One positive thing I would like to share about Linda Evans is that her uncannily misguided concept of "rejuvenation" is indirectly responsible not only for a great deal of amusement for me personally, but also this amazing video: